White Light 2

Why must horror movies be so stupid?

Captain Tightpants and Starbuck are good - well, better than the material, anyway - but the rest of the movie is so entirely boneheaded. Y'know, there's a special ring of hell for people who make movies and hinge their plots on obscure (or semi-obscure) points of Biblical lore or theology BUT GET CHRISTIANITY'S BASIC UNDERLYING PHILOOSOPHICAL TENNETS WRONG. IT'S CALLED FREE WILL AND IT'S KIND OF THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE DANCE, YOU SHEEP-FECKING, GOAT-SUCKING EEEJIT.

I call this ring of hell "Whack-a-Hack" and it's where the bastard child of Aristotles' Shade and Inglewood Jules school bad screenwriters with hardbound copies of The Poetics - (say it with me) "THREE UNITIES, MOTHERFUCKER!" - and feral LOLcats scratch their critical message into the soft fleshy tablets of their behinds - "TRAGIC MIMESIS - UR DOING IT WRONG".

Just imagine how pissed I'd be if I actually paid to see the film although Katee Sackhoff and Nathan Fillion were fun to watch. Even on fast-forward.