Oh, for God's sake - if you're going to write fic set in the 1880s, do some basic bloody research.

Or at least read some Conan Doyle to get a sense for the language and mores of the period. For example, Victorians did not "date" - they paid calls, walked out, attended concerts or evenings at the theatre. If there was a serious prospect of a marriage proposal, they could be referred to as "courting."

Historical fiction isn't about getting the dates right (although I'm very fond of writers who are conscientious in that regard), it's about creating an illusion for your reader of another time and place. Writing historical fiction is every bit as much about universe building as science fiction or fantasy. The difference between a date and a courtship is the difference between the reader imaging your characters meeting for coffee and imagining them taking tea at the Ritz. It's the difference between Han Solo piloting the Millenium Falcon and Han Solo flying a biplane.

Authors need to think about their narrative lexicon and take care before using words related to technology, derived from pop culture or borrowed from other languages to avoid illusion-shattering anachronisms such as Tudor-style cottages on the banks of the Seine or rows of bungalows in the Antebellum South. Likewise, if you're going to make a point of referring to someone's clothing, take five minutes to Google the fashion of the day - there's nothing rebellious about a woman who wears stocking and garters if they were an everyday part of ladies' clothing (showing them to the young gentleman you were walking out with, on the other hand...).

Dear STARGATE fanfic that is pissing me off today:

1) An FN P-90 weighs six pounds - 6 - fully loaded (actually about two pounds lighter than the MP5-A5; 3-4 lbs lighter than a standard M-16 and about half the length) - which would be a negligible weight suspended from the four-point sling SG personnel wear. If Carter can carry Teyla, the added weight of the P-90 won't be a problem (hence why real-world police & special operations forces like the gun).

2) This information is available on Wikipedia's P-90 page; it's literally less than 10 seconds work (including load times) to find out the weapon's dimensions. Research - think about doing some. Speaking of which...

3) Carter spent more than 10 years as an SG operator, more often under fire than not. Name one time (in 200+ episodes) she abandoned her weapon while retreating under fire (given that she wears it strapped to her chest).

4) Carter is left caring for a wounded teammate in the middle of a wraith attack and you have her abandon her weapon and field pack - are you kidding me?

Is Carter?

5) This is where I stopped caring reading. Carter is a career military officer, who has more than a decade of combat experience (which would have made her, IRL, one of the most experienced combat veterans in the US military). She is an expert marksman. And because Carter needs to have a less-lethal option, she carries a zat as her personal sidearm. Throwing down with a Wraith in a knife fight when she is fully armed with her P-90 and zat is not cool, it's stupid. Carter would know better* - so should people writing her.

Given her experience, do you think maybe Carter would keep her field pack handy in case she needed to provide first aid, drinking water, extra ammunition, blankets, food - all those things that you need when you suddenly find yourself trapped off-world with injured personnel and Wraith on your ass. So you've either made Carter act the fool by dumping survival gear or by going off-planet with a bunch of useless junk in her field pack. Either way, your fic just jumped the character selachii because Carter would know better (or Amanda Tapping would God-damn well want an explaination why Carter didn't).

Feh.

*A) Never bring a knife to a gunfight. B) Never let your opponent grab you if you can avoid it - jumping on a Wraith's back to stab him in the neck (not how you fight with a knife, btw) definitely puts you in grabby-hands territory.

I don't care what the Church says, there is a hell and that's where God sends fanfic writers who posit that Kara Thrace finds Lee Adama's attempts to cosset and shelter her "cute." I don't care if it is babyfic, have you ever actually watched the show?

Also, while I'm at it *gag*

Bad fanfic is a zombie plague that rapes your pets and drinks all your beer.

*thwuppt*

Oh, and it also eats your brains.

I read Cormac McCarthy's The Road over the weekend.

I'm really rather sorry I did.

If you read sci-fi, fantasy, horror or any of the other “disrespected” literary genres, you’ve probably encountered the phenomena of the Big Name Serious Literary Author who is lauded for his or her novel of Big Bold Allegory and Metaphor, often featuring a “stunning” or “gripping” or “chilling” “vision” of humanity’s/America’s/civilization’s future.

For Canadians, I think the best-known example of this is Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, her mid-80s novel about a future American theocracy where fertile women have become chattel, forced to bear the children of an increasingly infertile White Male Christian elite. 20 years later, Atwood’s Feminist call to arms seems rather more prophetic than it did in the late 80s when The Handmaid’s Tale started popping up on the syllabi of high school English classes across Canada but it’s still only a middling novel as these things go - technically proficient but soulless, more interested in agitprop than honest emotion, sopmewhat lacking imaginative scope - Margaret Atwood’s good but she ain’t Phillip K. Dick, Ursula K. Le Guin or even plain ol'William Gibson.

You will, however, find The Handmaid's Tale shelved under “Fiction and Literature” in the bookstore (or library) rather than the “Science Fiction” ghetto with Dick, Leguin, Gibson and so on. If we were all bigger people inside maybe where a certain author’s book is located in the bookstore wouldn’t matter but the fact is that books about werewolves and space aliens and dragons and the future (and especially books about all four) just don't get taken as seriously as your big, heavy, literary, memoirical tome about how your parents were awful and turned you gay (*cough*Anne-Marie*cough*lookingatyou*cough*). And really, that would be something I could live with if not for two things a) I happen to like writing about werewolf space alien dragonriders from the future and despise the self-absorption and navel-gazing and general depressive atmosphere of the contemporary Canadian literary novel (and no, my parents didn't turn me gay, they turned me celibate but that's a story for another day). B) Big, heavy, literary, memoirical tomes about how your parents were awful and turned you gay shelved in "Fiction and Literature" generally sell better than books of equal, if not superior, quality shelved in Sci-Fi/Fantasy, at least partly as a result of how these books are positioned and promoted in store.

So it always burns me when a "serious" author is lauded for taking on traditional genre tropes, such as future distopia or apoca-fic, as if no one has ever written about repressive future theocracies or post-apocalyptic futures before (John Wyndham even got in a two-for-one in The Chrysalids). Which is not to say that this author or that doesn't deserve whatever gold, glory and gaudite's they can get but I'm frustrated when I see rather routine treatments of familiar tropes praised as if these books said something new or particularly noteworthy.

Cormac McCarthy's The Road, I've decided, is such a novel.

(Halfway through writing this post, my employer sent me an e-mail asking me if I my family's emergency survival kit was prepared. This caused much laughter because, seriously, my plan for the apocalypse, should - God forbid - it come, is to die in the first wave, thanks much.)

The Road is technically stunning, the work of a master wordsmith at the height of his expressive powers. McCarthy's prose is spare, driven forward by an "and x and y" construction that recalls Hemingway, punctuated by the odd flash of linguistic dexterity that catches the reader and temporarily lifts the novel above the ponderous, unremitting despair and depravity of its subject matter. The Road is the Great American novel tipped on it's side and trod on until only the most basic, most robust tropes are left: the quintessential American literary pair of father and son and a journey - years after a nuclear apocalypse that is implied but never mentioned, a father and son walk along the road towards the coast.

The Road lacks, in what is likely a deliberate choice, the specificity that is a hallmark of most speculative fiction/sci-fi - we never know what caused the devastation or where, exactly, the road leads except towards the coast. Yet there's something magisterial in McCarthy's confident sweep of his hand across game board of American civilization, leaving nothing behind (presumably anyone asking how any calamity nuclear or otherwise that could reduce the whole of the American continent to ash and leave anyone alive five or six years on is missing the point of McCarthy's grand conceit). All this, McCarthy says, from the Internet to fresh water, is insubstantial, can be taken away, and with it all that makes men not merely civilized but human. And men specifically - make no mistake, McCarthy's apoco-topia is no place for a woman. It is, in fact, a world that no sane woman would choose to live on in: the missing third of his post-nuclear family is nothing more than a faded memory of someone not strong enough (or possibly foolish enough) to make the journey.

( Spoilers )

Reading The Road was not a pleasant experience when it wasn't downright vomit inducing. The last time I read a book that nearly made me puke (not including some of the more grisly details of Holocaust) was Cujo, nearly 20 years ago, a rather queasy coincidence because The Road put me in mind of nothing so much as Stephen King's The Stand. Of the two, I prefer The Stand, not only because it's an essentially optimistic work versus McCarthy's pessimism. To be blunt, King is the better storyteller. McCarthy could write concentric rings of gleaming prose around King any day of the week - but King is the greater storyteller, the better psychologist, the more consistently authentic voice. King's characters live between the pages, often even after they're dead, while the denizens of The Road merely exist.

And if McCarthy demonstrates anything in The Road, merely existing is not nearly enough to live for.